Sternocleidomastoid Syndrome :- A Case Study

Sternocleidomastoid (SCM) Syndrome is a dangerous disease that has the potential to be fatal. Millions of dollars worth of funds were poured into the USCMA-RC (United Sternocleidomastoid Association-Russian Chapter) to study, fathom and to find a prophylactic measure to stop this disease from spreading altogether.

Research was conducted on 3 different specimens exposed to almost similar environmental conditions, with exceptions in certain factors beyond control (Hygienic factors, Sexual Activity, etc). Infact, the only controlled factor was the amount of time each specimen was exposed to the few known causative agents of SCM Syndrome (Lectures & Class Rooms).

SCM Syndrome, gets its name from the fact that the Sternocleidomastoid muscle is placed under heavy taxing, due to repeated nodding of the head beyond ones fatigue level. The constant nodding, with the lack of essential rest, leads to excess sacromeric constriction, leading to an exponential release of sacromeric actin capping protein which somehow mysteriously screws up the muscle causing uncontrollable nodding. Loss of feeling (pain, warmth, etc) towards the lateral ends of the neck, and elevated pain below the jaw are also common symptoms.

There has been a strange trait in accordance to the spreading of SCM Syndrome. It seems carriers of the KCS genes are far more prone to suffer from SCM than one who doesn’t. Infact, a person without the KCS gene may live a life free of SCM Syndrome, with a 0% risk factor. KCS genes are known to be recessive, and X linked, but ONLY express their trait when paired with another X chromosome with the same gene, and as thus, men may only be carriers and exhibit none of the SCM Syndrome traits. As a result, this disease, at this point of time, is only known to affect women.

When asked, at what age does the KCS gene express its traits, scientists were perplexed that it varies, and may start from the tender age of 5. The most logical solution seems to be that the moment a female specimen is exposed to a few other members of the same species, in any educational institute, the KCS gene has a quadrupled probability of expressing its trait. The youngest documented case (though unproven) is 4 years old.

In regards to whether the SCM Syndrome being contagious, scientists were not able to give a straight answer. It seems that the more developed the SCM Syndrome is in an individual, there is a high likelihood that they will spread the disease faster than one who is still in the developing stages of the disease. The disease has been known to take years to fully mature before it becomes truly fatal. Terminal Stages of SCM Syndrome is very easy to diagnose, as the body loses complete control of the sternocleidomastoid muscle, and any impulses generated towards it creates a self-sustaining impulse reaction that continuously opens and closes Na+ gated channels, causing rapid constriction and relaxation. This is much akin to an infinite ripple effect. The easiest way to confirm the terminal stage is to simply explain a completely new fact, or situation to the patient. You will notice an increase in their nodding, as if to imply they’re well familiar with the issue, and need no further elaboration. The easy way to prove that the patient does not know the issue in question is by simply making up a fact and watch the nodding commence (I.E. Sacromeric Actin Capping Protein screwing up muscles).

Unfortunately, SCM Syndrome, in its terminal stages, has NO KNOWN CURE. There have been cases of patients in extreme situations suffering from SCM euthanized. The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends euthanasia to those suffering from severe SCM Syndrome, and suicide for those who cannot afford hospitalization fees for euthanasia. Scientists have confirmed that SCM Syndrome may be eradicated at its developing stages through intense physical therapy. Whenever the patient exhibits any of the known symptoms (e.g. Nod Head excessively, annoy you with nodding, and all-around know-it-all attitude), swiftly administer a tight slap onto their cheek. It is of utmost importance, your hand print makes its mark on their cheek. Such a counter towards the symptoms of SCM Syndrome would induce a reverse neuronic impulse, and the success of the treatment can be visualized by formation of water droplets around the eye. On a scale to measure the effectiveness of the treatment applied, the higher amount of water droplet formation around the eye would indicate a more effective treatment.

It is our sincere hope, from the research bureau of USCMA-RC that women everywhere, take specific steps, to ensure SCM Syndrome does not take over their lives. We hope the information we have passed out will help you lead a healthy, safe life, free from SCM Syndrome. If you have any questions, regarding SCM Syndrome, or would like to pose a question not answered in the above statement, feel free to ask us, via comment and we shall get back to you as soon as possible. We shall now leave you with some famous SCM Syndrome patients in History :-

M.Qi -> Mastered SCM Syndrome around the age of 18, showing terminal symptoms at age 21/22.

M.Samy -> While the disease has not progressed in this person to the extent that it has with M.Qi, the disease is significantly developed in her. Her symptoms are getting worst day by day.

KCS1 -> Due to her young age, she has yet to fully express the gene. However, recent development has shown that she may afterall suffer from this disease real soon.

Names withheld to protect the affected,

Yang Menjalankan Tugas,



~ by hypoglossal on May 9, 2007.

17 Responses to “Sternocleidomastoid Syndrome :- A Case Study”

  1. show off!

  2. a very informative article. Thanks HypoG, now I know how to live with such diseased people.

  3. Well presented case study . If only I could publish it in a real Medical Journal or some Health Care Magazine .

    Medical/Scientific Theories will begin to arise with these findings .

    10/10 !


  4. -agree-agree-agree-

    as long as it doesn’t spread to me nor my pals… i’m fine with them and to my knowledge… there are more which the scientist have not taken into consideration…

    moreover, there is always people like to to make them inferior and take advantage of them…

    Hippo the GOD….

    WHO –> euthanasia (should be put into place asap… to safe people like you and other from contracting the disease)

    case study rocks !!!

    article will be spread world wide…
    VK will help… in spreading the love of this article

    HYPO –> go study

  5. Nevertheless, SCM afflicted people get what they want and in my opinion, they don’t really affect the normal people.

  6. whoa… good report. well presented. sounds like the disease is freaking fatal… i must go and do a gene mapping for myself. got to make sure that i don’t have any KCS gene encoded in me…

  7. Now we have 2 cool dudes with long hair .

    When we hitting the park for football again ?


  8. hi. Can u elaborate on the symptoms? i m 21 yrs old,f and having a strange feelin below my jaw, not exactly pain,some hollow kind of feeling, which sometimes goes up near my ears and head..sometimes having a feeling as though some weight is placed over my upper jaw! can u explain wat it might be and its causes?

  9. Honestly..


  10. is this for real? i honestly don’t know whether or not to believe some of this stuff…ARCHIVED BITCHING?! WTF!


  11. I preach the truth.


  12. Fucking looser!!

  13. Bullshit. It’s not a fatal condition.

  14. Fatal Blow Jobs, eh?
    4yo? I’m disgustipated :[

  15. SCM is not fatal and to assume those who suffer from this syndrome must be killed off is unethical at the very least. Terrible article and without merit or medical standing. Author you need more education in the medical field/

  16. What a waste of everybody’s time…

  17. lol… girl with the jaw issue. turn your head as if you were looking over one of your shoulders. look up. then do the other shoulder, look up. should relieve the tention and stop spasms. do this thrice daily

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